So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
