I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
