The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
