honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
