the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
