You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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