Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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