you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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