as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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