I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
