She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
