So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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