he shaved USA in his pubs
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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