Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
