I cockslap morals
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
