last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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