Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
