I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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