Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
