Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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