Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
