party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
