I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
