Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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