omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
