Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
