question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
