It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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