my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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