I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need moral support for this bender
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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