is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
