Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
