It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
