he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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