trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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