U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
