Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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