So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
