Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
