I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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