He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
