so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
