I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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