I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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