great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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