I hope mine doesn't look like that
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
