Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
