Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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