i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
