Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
