I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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