I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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