You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
