ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
