She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
