sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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