Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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