"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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