38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
