she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
