just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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