You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
