I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
