Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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