And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
