Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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