I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
