Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
look no pants
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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