Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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