no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He shit in the fireplace
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
