It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
