You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
