Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
