I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
