"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
