His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
