I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
