phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
